Tag Archives: getting pregnant

7 months and my kid elbows me…

So I have been MIA for a bit.  Not intentionally, but not unintentionally either. I have fluctuated through various stages throughout my pregnancy (pregnancy and non-pregnancy related) and they have all been hard to for me to actually document…So here is a synopsis of what has been going on:

1) We went to Disney World.  Disney is WAY harder when you are pregnant and your husband won’t let you ride Tower of Terror.  On the plus side we met up with some friends and had a great time.

2) It was confirmed for me in November that I was carrying Jesse Walker’s clone, when the ultrasound pic was of him flexing his muscles (further confirmation comes later).

3) My child has a mind of his own, and decided to take part in a uterine contraction party a month or so ago. Between him and the uterine fibroid I have, they were putting on a show for the hospital and they kept me overnight for observation.

4) The uterine fibroid and baby Walker decided that the hospital event was a bonding moment, and they have since become BFFs and when he gets bored, he decided to elbow bump the fibroid…causing intense pain and leaving me unable to move sometimes.

5) Don’t go on a sugar and carb bender the days before your glucose test. You will fail and you will fail hard, and then you are forced on a diet that will make you long for the days when you could eat candy.

6) And finally, while I was sure I was carrying Jesse Walker’s child all along, it was 100% confirmed when the 3-D ultrasound showed what I am now calling the “Clone Wars” in my belly.  My child shows zero resemblance to me. When I say zero…I mean it could be less than zero!

 

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So after 7 months of being pregnant, I have learned a few things:

1) If you are married to a Walker and you decide to have children, just accept the fact that they won’t look like you. All Walkers look like the father and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

2) I am not someone who likes unsolicited advice, and having a child puts you on the receiving end of a TON of it.

3) Just when you have resigned yourself to not having the baby shower, some amazing people pop up and offer to host one.  Guess I shouldn’t have bought all of that stuff, huh?

4) Facebook exchange and referral groups are AMAZING places to find new and used gear and clothes, as well as solicited advice to questions that you ask! I highly recommend find ones in your area.

5) Apparently finding a pediatrician is a HUGE deal, and you will be judged (at least at my OBs office) if you don’t have one at the beginning of the third trimester.

6) I have missed writing.  I felt like I was floating through my pregnancy a little lost, and I realized that its because I had documented SO much of the early part, I was missing some key things in this one.

7) Not everyone gets great ultrasound pictures of their baby. I have picture after picture of my baby’s penis.  He is SUPER proud of his penis, and felt that it was really all any of us needed to see to make sure he was ok.

And last, but CERTAINLY not least

8) As you all know, we are having a boy.  Apparently boys pee when air hits their penis! So when you change a diaper you are like a target. While I have never experienced this first-hand (never changed a diaper in my life) I have had this confirmed by several sources. Ummmmm…that is not ok.

So I will be back writing. There is a lot going on in this mamma’s life and it all deserves to be documented. I mean– he tried really hard to get here, the least I can do is memorialize it…right?

 

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Where is this “glow” everyone talks about?

So I am almost four months pregnant, and I have yet to get the “glow” so many people talk about.  The following, however, is what I have gotten/learned:

1) I have learned that either the people all over the internet lie about everything, or I am just a weird case.

2) I have learned that once you have a child, you are apparently given a button that makes you an expert.

3) I have learned that no babies sleep in cribs, and yet I see thousands of pictures of babies sleeping in them.

4) I have learned that I don’t need to buy anything at all for the baby, because all they will do is hang out in a bouncy thing.

5) Morning sickness is not actually morning sickness. It is all day sickness, that in my case, gets worse at night.

Don’t get me wrong, I have loved being pregnant.  We fought so hard to have this baby, and this baby fought so hard to make sure we knew it was there.  But being pregnant is not easy.  Aside from the physical demands, it has opened the door for so many opinions that, to be honest, are often times unsolicited…and yet people feel it is necessary for me to hear.

Newsflash….Jesse and I want to make the same mistakes that everyone else makes. Its what makes having a baby real. Every child is different, just like every parent is different….and while I appreciate people’s attempts to help us save money, what seems practical for you, may not be for us. As I am writing this, it makes me sad that some people may read into this and think it is me being ungrateful, or even worse, directing it at them specifically, but in reality its not directed at anyone. Jesse and I want to do this. And if you know either of us very well, you know that we are going to do what we want anyways 🙂

I still have so many friends that are still on their fertility journey.  Every day I think about them, and remind myself that the annoyances that I feel today pail in comparison to what they are dealing with.  I have gotten GREAT news from one of my first infertility friends, H. She had a successful IUI after several tries. And then one of my newer friends got pregnant without science, after two failed IVFs. Life is funny, and never a guarantee.

Off to go make some terrible decisions…I think this time on clothes.

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Baby prisons….pregnancy guilt…and trying to be normal

We are almost 12 weeks now, so we are in the throws of researching all of the things we absolutely “need” for #theclaw. Stores like Babies R Us totally stress me out with their shelves of stuff.  Don’t get me wrong, I am sure most of it is helpful and some of it is necessary, but it seems a bit like over-kill to me. The search for the perfect stroller, crib, car seat, swing, etc is enough to make a type-A google-aholic go crazy.  I find myself in a blur when I am comparing everything…and I have to keep telling myself that at the end of the day I can probably put a diaper on the kid, give it a wooden spoon and a boob and it will be fine 🙂 However, that doesn’t eliminate my anxiety over building the best environment we can for #theclaw.

Furniture is causing me one of the biggest headaches yet. Cribs are hideous.  They either look like giant headboards with rails (b/c 75% are “convertible” beds) or monstrous wooden prisons. For such a necessary piece of furniture to be so ugly and cheap looking is beyond me.  I am not going to spend thousands of dollars for one that looks just like a cheaper one…only with more elaborate railings and end pieces. I have an amazing company that makes solid wood gorgeous furniture for me (You’re Unique–based in Georgia http://www.youreunique.net/, btw) but they won’t make me a crib for liability reasons.  I get it…but I am just so used to having quality furniture from them, that I am comparing everything to what they made me. We found one at Pottery Barn Kids, but I don’t like the color. I found an iron one, but I am afraid it will be too girly…and well we aren’t finding out what we are having….and well, after typing that, I realized I really don’t care.  So we will continue to search…eventually we will find something, and if not, COSTCO makes really nice dog beds and I am thinking the baby will be fine in that for a few months…right?

Pregnancy guilt.  Over the last 8 months I have become part of several infertility groups. I have seen, on many occasions, women in these groups get angry when someone announces they are pregnant.  It gets worse when their pregnant friends complain about things like morning sickness, or being uncomfortable. Because of their reactions, I have been very quiet in the groups that I once found supportive. But this blog is MY safe haven. I am going to be honest…being pregnant has not been easy on me. I have not had morning sickness…I have had all day sickness, that tends to get worse at night.  I have come down with a stomach virus and sinus infection (and now cold) that I can’t take anything for, because I am pregnant.  You are basically forced to suffer.  Don’t get me wrong…I am thrilled that #theclaw is growing healthy inside my belly, and I wouldn’t change any of it….but being pregnant is something that I was not prepared for, and I am only in my first trimester.

I don’t know that I will be what I consider “normal” ever again. In 7 months, #theclaw will actually be here, and my normal today is me, Jesse and our 5 fur-kids.  Right now something else has more control over my body than I do. In the past two weeks I have been more exhausted than I thought a person could be. I have been sicker than I have been in probably 10 years (except when I had food poisoning). I am trying to stay engaged with my day to day life, but I would be lying if I didn’t say it was a struggle. They say that you start feeling more “pregnant normal” in the second trimester.  Here’s to hoping that “they” are correct. Also…here’s to hoping I can wear maternity clothes soon…jeans with sweatpants on top? YES PLEASE!

Oh…and here is the last pic of #theclaw for 4 weeks…(please note, this was taken a couple days shy of 12 weeks, bc someone thought burrowing into my uterus was fun — FYI, it causes cramping and some bleeding..so it’s not fun for mom):

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Our whole life isn’t about having a baby….

It’s hard to balance life with infertility life.  You have to separate the two in order to have some semblance of normalcy.  So throughout medication, procedures and doctors appointments, you have to keep pressing on.  I have a full-time job.  And not just a normal “check-in/check-out” job.  I have a lot of responsibility.  I run sales for a 22 man company. There is no opportunity for me to just not care.  There are too many balls in the air that I need to catch, and despite trying a couple different people, I haven’t found anyone who can do 100% of what I do.  This isn’t me saying that I the best…this is me saying I just haven’t found my replacement.  I am lucky though…my office is great about me missing work for appointments, but in all reality, for the last two years my life has been on a plane and on the road, and I have worked more than my fair share of 60-80 hour weeks. So I would have been really disappointed if they reacted any other way.

Then there are our fur-kids.  We have 5 of them.  They are my life.  The number of people who have told me that I am going to get rid of them when the baby comes is AMAZING.  It breaks my heart that others see their animals as expendable members of their family.  I know that it may not be easy, but these kids were here first and we will do anything and everything to make it work.  Having five dogs is no easy task.  In just this last month, two of our dogs were attacked by our neighbor’s dogs, resulting in one having her face ripped off (yes…literally) and the other having 10-15 puncture wounds on his face and neck.  The financial stresses of infertility coupled with the financial stress of multiple trips to the ER and vet are enough to make a sane person go crazy…but such is life.

And last there is life.  I am a wife and individual. I think this is the place where I let the ball drop.  I am so disappointed in my domestic ability.  I work from 8-7 (traffic 2 hours a day) and the thought of cooking dinner every day is exhausting.  However, I know my choices force me to have unhealthy eating and living habits.  I am just tired every day.  Jesse, however, finds the strength to workout every day. I am not good with discipline when it comes to taking care of myself and I wish I was.  I don’t know why I can be so disciplined in other areas of my life, but find taking care of myself to me such a chore.  Even when I am disappointed in myself, I find myself sabotaging any effort I do put forth.

All of the above ends up circling back to my central goal right now..and that is to get pregnant.  So while our whole life isn’t about having a baby, unfortunately everything around me is at a stand-still until be do.

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