Tag Archives: amazing

Hold your breath….close your eyes….hope for the best

When I titled this blog a couple of years ago, it was about my journey to get healthy. Let’s be honest, it wasn’t about a journey to get healthy…it was about a journey to lose weight. That’s my idea of “healthy”. When I re-purposed it as our infertility blog, it gained new meaning. Regardless of what you have going on in your life, you have to always keep looking ahead. So despite what events are happening , you have to keep trudging forward and put everything behind you. The good news is, you don’t have to forget them. You can look back and reflect on how they changed you, how they made you better or worse, and ultimately how they are impacting the road in front of you.

We have had a pretty insane last couple of months. I don’t want to get into particulars now, because there really isn’t anything I can say that will make me feel better about what has happened. There isn’t anything I can say that makes the rearview version positive….yet. There WILL be….just not yet.

All of this brings me to the point of today. My rearview mirror over the last 12 months has been filled with so many ups, downs, twists and turns. Today, the road in front of us will forever be changed. Our son, whom we worked so hard to have will be coming into this world whether he likes it or not. I can’t change that road…not that I would want to….and I can’t change what has happened to get us here. All I can do is hold my breath, close my eyes and hope for the best.

April 16, 2015 …… the day our road becomes a bit more crowded, scary, unpredictable and filled with so much uncertainty. While I am looking forward to our rearview mirror, because it’s not a bad thing to see how you allow life to change you, I am more looking forward to looking at our now.  See you soon baby Walker. You are already my now.

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So….yeah….we are pregnant.

IMG_7336Yeah, I know…I know. I already posted in August that we WEREN’T pregnant, and then there was the maybe we were, and then I went silent.  Well, I went silent because the roller coaster got to be too much. It felt like my heart-rate was never going down, and I was constantly on edge from one ultrasound to another.  But then today happened.

Today was my first appointment with my regular OBGYN, Alliance OBGYN. Today was amazing. We are officially 10 weeks pregnant. The baby was moving it’s little nubby arms and legs around like crazy, and its heartbeat was really strong. As of today, we have less than a 5% rate of miscarriage, which makes me feel a lot better.  Not 100% out of the woods, but I don’t think you ever are until the baby is born.

I honestly can say that I had no idea that we would be here today.  There were so many things working against this little baby, and it just kept hanging on (which is why we will now be referencing baby Walker as “The Claw”).  From one appointment to the next, the baby grew and the heartbeat got stronger.  We are so thankful for all of the support we have gotten and I am thrilled to finally be sharing the results of the last few months.

I know some people may feel like I am sharing too early, but at this point, the baby will do what the baby will do…and we are excited to be celebrating all we have accomplished at this point.  We would have never gotten here without the tremendous support from our friends, family and the amazing staff at Georgia Reproductive Specialists. If you are in Atlanta and are in need of fertility assistance, I can assure you, there is NO better practice out there.  You will always be treated with respect and they care more about their patients than they do about having a Saturday off.

So I guess my posts from here on will be documenting our pregnancy.  Glad to be off the roller coaster, and getting on a less crazy ride….especially since my “morning sickness” is ALL day sickness!  The Claw is due April 2015!!!

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Life really does come full circle….and some pretty cool pictures.

We did our embryo transfer on Saturday August 2, 2014.  You have to go in with a full bladder, and for some reason that was REALLY hard for me. In an hour I drank over 32 ounces of fluid and…nothing.  Then there was the small vein plague, I’ve talked about that before…they are just itty-bitty. But after all of that, we put these two little bad boys in (btw, Thanks to the always wonderful Dr. Perloe, the AMAZING nurse Tracy, Cynthia who was our anesthesiologist at retrieval, and the embryologist, who took care of me):

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That is pretty cool, right?  Jesse doesn’t think they look ANYTHING like him, and his brother Joe says it looks like cauliflower was the dad, but we were all really excited. All 10 made it to Saturday. Some were stronger than others, but these two were the best and the others we are going to try to have make it to day 5 and then freeze them.  It was really fun to text my family and friends with the picture of the embryos, and who knew how AWESOME it was going to be to see them.  Science is so freaking cool!

So the full circle thing. I realized on August 3, that it was my in-law’s Joe and Alla’s wedding anniversary.  It being their anniversary, also means it was the anniversary of when we conceived the baby we lost last year. Just take my word for it that I know EXACTLY when that baby was conceived. Almost a year to the date, we put these embryos into my uterus. So weird. I can’t even remember the person I was a year ago. I remember the loss. I remember the pain. But I don’t remember the person. I have learned and grown so much, and Jesse and I have definitely grown as a couple. I am so incredibly proud of us.

Now the fun stuff!  Not only was this transfer done a year later than the previous pregnancy, but we also transferred two embryos on NATIONAL TWINS DAY! FREAKY! The universe is so funny. 🙂 So like my previous IUIs, IVF is no different, we are now in a two week wait. We are supposed to go in August 18th for our beta test….I won’t last that long. Not sure why mine is 16 days after transfer, but we will see!!  

Few things to end with: 

1) The good family news I couldn’t spill last week was that Jesse’s sister married her long-time girlfriend Jen in July! So excited for them.  Both of them are super smart history Phd candidates and we can’t wait to see them to celebrate.

2) I couldn’t sleep last night because the whole time I was thinking about what I would tell a group of women who were looking at going down their own infertility paths. I don’t know why I was consumed by the thought, but all I can think of is maybe I need to find an additional forum to try and help outside my blog. I don’t know what that forum is, but I feel like it is something that I need to look for!

3) The final count was: 17 eggs retrieved, 13 mature, 10 fertilized, 2 transferred and 5 made it to blast and are now frozen. (Which means that there are 5 little Jesse/Mindy babies waiting to be put in at any moment)

4) These two crazy kids, made those two embryos above! (This was from egg retrieval): IMG_3791

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