Monthly Archives: November 2015

Please sir, I want some….more?

Apparently having one child is only the beginning when it comes to people asking about your family planning. 

Before you have children, you always get the…”sooo, when are you going to have kids?” This is usually asked in a sing-song manner and normally coupled with “it will change your life!”. For women with infertility the former is the most loaded question in the world, but I honestly don’t think anyone ever asks that with any negative intentions. You start getting used to that question when you are 37 and you haven’t conceived your first child. But now I’m a grown up! I’m 38…I have a little human who depends on me! However the questions keep coming, just veiled in a different way. 
“Are you going to have another?” Ahhhh!! That question is so much harder than the ones BEFORE I had Elliott. During the afterglow of delivery and seeing that tiny little being, I was ready to have another embryo transfer immediately. I wanted all the babies. Baby feet are the cutest and a newborn baby cry is the best sound I have ever heard. 

But folks–I’m now knee deep into this parenting stuff, and this is a young mans game. At 28, I could handle the sleepless nights. The crying that seems to only happen at the most inopportune times. The lack of free time (after 6 am) that seems to prevent you from taking a real shower where you can shave your legs. But now I am here dealing with a reality that those are things I won’t have until this one is off and married!

Everyone says that two makes it easier. I’ve seen that happen with dogs…but can I get a guarantee that it happens with humans? Can someone promise me that I will gain some level of sanity back by adding another set of 2 legs to this crazy house? I’m not convinced. 

So when people ask me “sooooo….are you going to have another?” I reply with the best answer I know at this point: “Well–Elliott has 5 embryo-mates hanging out in a swanky, paid for cryogenic freezer apartment in Atlanta ready to go….but we haven’t decided yet.”


Well hello there!  Seems kind of weird to be back behind a keyboard and writing about our life.  My last post was on the morning of the birth of our son, Elliott. If you know me, you know the sith lord is here on earth. He was a whopping 8 lbs 5 ounces and 21 inches long.  I will forever post his height and weight status in this way. I can’t wait to have a 16 year old on the table with a measuring tape so I can record how long he is.

Anyways…a lot has transpired over the past few months, so I figured I would use this as an opportunity to bring everyone up to speed.  Most of you know the particulars, but many of you don’t, so it may answer a lot of the questions that so many people have had about where Jesse and I are today.

OK…so two months before Elliott was born, Jesse and I were plodding along and planning for the birth of the year.  February 26th, the company I was working for was facing some substantial financial pressures and I made the decision to go part time.  My decision enabled people to keep their jobs and Jesse and I weren’t worried about anything, bc he still had a great job. However, less than 24 hours later Jesse was laid off due to a restructuring.  Don’t get me started on that company, that CEO or how things were handled, but needless to say it was exactly what needed to happen….we just didn’t know it yet.  So there we were, two months from having a child and neither one of us were gainfully employed full-time.  I am not going to lie….We were stressed. I was scared. But we both knew that we weren’t going to be homeless and hungry…so we tightened our belts and hunkered down to figure out what we needed to do.

Elliott’s birth was pretty uneventful. As you know, he flipped breach at 38 1/2 weeks and I delivered via c-section. Being unemployed had its perks… and Jesse was able to be home with us those first few weeks, which turned out to be a huge help.  This is going to SHOCK our loyal readers, bc I developed two really rare conditions: Postpartum high blood pressure AND postpartum PUPPS. Needless to say it was AWESOME having an itchy rash all over my body and being readmitted for an overnight stay at the hospital 5 days after giving birth. Let’s also not forget that there was an issue with my insurance and the hospital kept sending the Medicaid representative up to my room because they were saying I was uninsured.  That was a mess in itself, and was really one of the driving reasons I knew I needed to leave where I had been working.  Coming out of pretty intense surgery and having a new baby and being told your insurance was cancelled caused a tremendous amount of stress on our already stressed family.

Jesse found contractor work at an agency in Atlanta pretty quickly, but deep down we knew we didn’t want to be there.  Once Elliott was born, we longed for time with our family. We wanted our parents, Elliott’s grandparents, to see him regularly. We wanted our brothers and sisters to be able to see him without making special trips to Atlanta…so our plan was hatched to make the move to Louisville.

There aren’t a plethora of UX jobs available in Louisville…but there was an interesting opportunity at Humana and I reached out to a friend, Stephanie, for help in getting his resume in the right hands. Everything worked out and he was eventually hired on. I was lucky to have secured a sales position with a company that allowed me to work remotely, and we made the move.

All sounds perfect, right?  Not by a long shot. Having a child changes you.  Despite how much I knew it wasn’t going to change me, it did. The girl who would hop on a plane at the slightest thought and travel for sometimes 9 days in a row for business, was now the girl who didn’t want to leave her son for 5 hours, let alone 24, 48 or more!  Plus, after selling for my entire professional career, I realized I didn’t have it in me anymore. The “close” sickened me, and the anxiety of having to convince someone to buy something became overwhelming. I would lay awake for hours dreading the idea of having to do a sales call…and if it went so far as for me to meet with someone, I would cry at the prospect of having to be a road warrior again.  So ultimately, I had to make the decision to walk away. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the organization and the people within it, and it wasn’t fair to have a salesperson who just didn’t want to sell.

I have been lucky enough to have people who actually want me to consult for them, and who knows what else is on the horizon.  However, I can promise you this….for the first time since I was 21 years old, my professional self worth will not be based on how much I sell and how many deals I have closed. Those days are behind me and I am looking forward to seeing where else I excel.

So that brings me to today. We are settled back in Louisville. We have opened up a Fit to Fight affiliate school here (River City Self Defense) and are thrilled to be reconnecting with old friends, making new ones, and having our family around as much as possible. We recently returned from our first family vacation, and it really was the first time Jesse and I were able to breathe since all of this has happened.

I plan on reconnecting with my writing and making this blog part of my life on the regular. People were so invested in the story of Elliott being made, I can only pay you back by allowing you to see how this child has already begun to shape our lives and make them better.

So hop back on…the car is going forward…passengers are always welcome, hopefully you have enough room back there with the carseat 🙂

Happy to be back my friends!!!