Our whole life isn’t about having a baby….

It’s hard to balance life with infertility life.  You have to separate the two in order to have some semblance of normalcy.  So throughout medication, procedures and doctors appointments, you have to keep pressing on.  I have a full-time job.  And not just a normal “check-in/check-out” job.  I have a lot of responsibility.  I run sales for a 22 man company. There is no opportunity for me to just not care.  There are too many balls in the air that I need to catch, and despite trying a couple different people, I haven’t found anyone who can do 100% of what I do.  This isn’t me saying that I the best…this is me saying I just haven’t found my replacement.  I am lucky though…my office is great about me missing work for appointments, but in all reality, for the last two years my life has been on a plane and on the road, and I have worked more than my fair share of 60-80 hour weeks. So I would have been really disappointed if they reacted any other way.

Then there are our fur-kids.  We have 5 of them.  They are my life.  The number of people who have told me that I am going to get rid of them when the baby comes is AMAZING.  It breaks my heart that others see their animals as expendable members of their family.  I know that it may not be easy, but these kids were here first and we will do anything and everything to make it work.  Having five dogs is no easy task.  In just this last month, two of our dogs were attacked by our neighbor’s dogs, resulting in one having her face ripped off (yes…literally) and the other having 10-15 puncture wounds on his face and neck.  The financial stresses of infertility coupled with the financial stress of multiple trips to the ER and vet are enough to make a sane person go crazy…but such is life.

And last there is life.  I am a wife and individual. I think this is the place where I let the ball drop.  I am so disappointed in my domestic ability.  I work from 8-7 (traffic 2 hours a day) and the thought of cooking dinner every day is exhausting.  However, I know my choices force me to have unhealthy eating and living habits.  I am just tired every day.  Jesse, however, finds the strength to workout every day. I am not good with discipline when it comes to taking care of myself and I wish I was.  I don’t know why I can be so disciplined in other areas of my life, but find taking care of myself to me such a chore.  Even when I am disappointed in myself, I find myself sabotaging any effort I do put forth.

All of the above ends up circling back to my central goal right now..and that is to get pregnant.  So while our whole life isn’t about having a baby, unfortunately everything around me is at a stand-still until be do.

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