Monthly Archives: June 2014

You’ve been poked everywhere else…now I am going to poke around in your head.

psych

 

When that is the first line you hear from your counselor, you know you are in the right place.  Georgia Reproductive makes counseling for IVF mandatory, so we made an appointment to “get it over with”.  J is not a huge fan of therapy, and well I think it has its place in treatment.  Whether you are a fan or not, the consultation is a “must-do” so we went.

Let’s cut to the chase….he was awesome, and the hour flew by and was, well,  awesome.  We talked about everything. Why we were ok with where we were.  The potential for becoming depressed through the process. The potential for not understanding the unknown. And at the end of it, I am pretty sure we all wanted to become BFFs.  As we were walking out, even J said, “I feel like making something up, so we have to come back!”

Throughout this entire process, I think we have just had a different perspective.  2 1/2 years ago, we were just hoping J wouldn’t die, so to be looking at a next step in our life is a pretty incredible thing.   I know that we haven’t gone through the lengthy fertility struggles many people have had, and maybe that is why I am not jaded.  However, we have gone through one that is much worse than not being able to conceive a child the “normal” way.  Jesse’s illness, health and well-being was such a focal point for so long and we were grasping for answers and in the end, grasping for his life.  So while I don’t minimize peoples desire for a child, I think our past has made us step back and appreciate that we at least have a future…together.

We are on to a very exciting next step and that is the clinical trial.  I did my final screening today and I will write about that in my next blog post.  Let’s just say that it further solidified why I love where we go!!

BTW– to any readers…please check out the study at Georgia Reproductive, the info is here and there may be some cities close to you that are doing it: http://theivystudy.com/qualify.aspx…they are still looking for participants!

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Our whole life isn’t about having a baby….

It’s hard to balance life with infertility life.  You have to separate the two in order to have some semblance of normalcy.  So throughout medication, procedures and doctors appointments, you have to keep pressing on.  I have a full-time job.  And not just a normal “check-in/check-out” job.  I have a lot of responsibility.  I run sales for a 22 man company. There is no opportunity for me to just not care.  There are too many balls in the air that I need to catch, and despite trying a couple different people, I haven’t found anyone who can do 100% of what I do.  This isn’t me saying that I the best…this is me saying I just haven’t found my replacement.  I am lucky though…my office is great about me missing work for appointments, but in all reality, for the last two years my life has been on a plane and on the road, and I have worked more than my fair share of 60-80 hour weeks. So I would have been really disappointed if they reacted any other way.

Then there are our fur-kids.  We have 5 of them.  They are my life.  The number of people who have told me that I am going to get rid of them when the baby comes is AMAZING.  It breaks my heart that others see their animals as expendable members of their family.  I know that it may not be easy, but these kids were here first and we will do anything and everything to make it work.  Having five dogs is no easy task.  In just this last month, two of our dogs were attacked by our neighbor’s dogs, resulting in one having her face ripped off (yes…literally) and the other having 10-15 puncture wounds on his face and neck.  The financial stresses of infertility coupled with the financial stress of multiple trips to the ER and vet are enough to make a sane person go crazy…but such is life.

And last there is life.  I am a wife and individual. I think this is the place where I let the ball drop.  I am so disappointed in my domestic ability.  I work from 8-7 (traffic 2 hours a day) and the thought of cooking dinner every day is exhausting.  However, I know my choices force me to have unhealthy eating and living habits.  I am just tired every day.  Jesse, however, finds the strength to workout every day. I am not good with discipline when it comes to taking care of myself and I wish I was.  I don’t know why I can be so disciplined in other areas of my life, but find taking care of myself to me such a chore.  Even when I am disappointed in myself, I find myself sabotaging any effort I do put forth.

All of the above ends up circling back to my central goal right now..and that is to get pregnant.  So while our whole life isn’t about having a baby, unfortunately everything around me is at a stand-still until be do.

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I’m on birth control..to get pregnant

Opened_Oral_Birth_Control

One of the common threads throughout my entire blog has been expect the unexpected.  What you think sounds illogical really isn’t.  Well, today is no different.  Tonight I am headed to CVS to get a prescription for birth control. WHAT?!?  So weird.  Number 1, I haven’t been on BC in over 10 years.  Number 2, when I WAS on BC I was a mess..so LOOK OUT! Number 3, aren’t a I trying TO get pregnant and BC is supposed to prevent it?

Ah, but that is the beauty of infertility.  They use medication to make your body do all kinds of weird stuff, and this is no different.  Since I am almost done with my cycle this month, I am going on BC for 10-14 days and then coming off to trick my body into having another one.  BAHAHA…kind of feels like sweet revenge! Tricking the body that has disappointed me so much these last few months, all to make sure we can have a baby.

Now the AMAZING news…so about 3 or 4 months ago Dr. P mentioned that while he wanted to try two rounds of IUI first, GRS was recently approved to do a study on some new (well, new to the USA) IVF medication. If the IUIs didn’t work, we would possibly be good candidates for the trial.  Let’s do a quick re-cap — IVF = expensive (like $20K expensive in my world), so the thought of a trial was pretty encouraging.  While the whole thing wouldn’t be free, there would be a substantial savings.  Fast forward to today, as of 4:00 pm EST yesterday GRS was given the green light to start screening for trial patients.  Guess who is being included in that screening??  THESE KIDS!!

We always knew that IVF was a possible off-shoot of this journey, so Dr. P was always doing things to make sure the ducks were in order (even though he forgot he did many of them…I blame that on the fact that he has other patients…which is totally not ok..except H). So many of the screening requirements we have already done.  Thankfully I am in relatively good health and all of my numbers look perfectly in line with the requirements.

So the next couple weeks will include a mandatory visit with a counselor to make sure Jesse and I can handle the stresses of IVF.  I am pretty confident we will rock that counselors world when he hears our story from the last 2 years. Birth control for 10-14 days to kickstart another cycle in June. And finally checking off the last boxes on the trial screening.  When Dr. Perloe looked at me today and said, “I am sorry you have to go through this”, my response was “It’s ok.  This is our journey and if being part of a trial makes IVF more accessible to more families, then it is serving an even larger purpose.”

Maybe it is the nerd in me, but the trial possibility is making this more exciting. I am going to be “Patient MG-101752” or something cool like that, and at the end of it, we are going to have a baby….or two.  More on that later.  The blog posts will be amping up folks, so as I said before… welcome to the party this one is going to be a rager!!!

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