Infertility – 1 / Mindy – 0

scoreboard-8209

I promised to be honest and open, and that includes when I do stupid things, so I have to admit I broke the #1 rule when it comes to trying to conceive a baby through IUI/IVF.  I tested too early. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I POAS at 10 dpIUI* and of course it was negative.  (Go ahead Dr. P…tell me I shouldn’t have done it…I know) I was not one of the women who got the faint line early, which in my head means that this didn’t work.  I rationalized the early testing due to the “symptoms” I was having.  Remember my earlier post about symptom spotting?  Well, I fell victim. I forgot that the progesterone’s side effects are basically “you are pregnant, but maybe not” and I broke down and cracked open a box of First Response.

I guess my desire to win even comes through with trying to have a baby.  You see, I love winning.  I like being the best.  I always have. It’s not something that I am nasty about.  I don’t do anything unethical or illegal to win, I just try harder in most situations. But with this, I can’t try harder. There is nothing I can do.  Sure I could lose some weight, which has become infinitely more difficult during this process, but even then I see women all around me who are much heavier than I am getting pregnant.  So I lay here feeling helpless, and feeling like I let myself and Jesse down every time I get a negative.  The rational part of me knows that I don’t let Jesse down, ever.  He knows there is nothing I can do, and believe me, there is nothing more in the world he would rather do than to fix this….whatever that means.

The one thing that has come from this, is we have decided to move to IVF if this one truly didn’t work.  We are already $4,000 in with two IUIs and our IVF is going to be expensive, so we need to try and conserve as much money as we can in the process.  Not going to lie and say I don’t feel let down and frustrated, but I guess it’s not over yet.

So as I have said before….1 hour pity party.  I made a mistake. I tested too early.  I got a negative.  I won’t test again until Saturday.

For those keeping score:  Infertility – 1 / Mindy – 0

*POAS and 10dpiui – Peed on a stick (pregnancy test) and 10 days past IUI.

Advertisements
Tagged , , ,

2 thoughts on “Infertility – 1 / Mindy – 0

  1. Cary golde says:

    Love you mindy! Your the best! I sanction a one hour pity party( not that you need it). Throughout this ordeal please keep in mind that this is the hand you were dealt, and you are bravely playing it the best you can. You win by trying, not by getting pregnant.mom and I are very proud of both you and Jesie.

    • Thanks Daddy. I am so proud of you for figuring out how to post a comment! I know I am not losing, but its so hard not getting something you want so bad. I love you and momma more than the sun and moon and stars.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: