I have been struggling to figure out what to write. I felt like people would only want to read my blog when I had a milestone to report, and as you know, I am in the two week wait. I have nothing monumental to write about, but I have missed writing. Which made me realize that this blog isn’t about writing for the people who read, its about writing so I can document what is going on in my head.
I have started reading a lot of other people’s blogs and they all echoed what I have been feeling, and that is the fact that during the two week wait, you feel like you miss so much in life bc you become obsessed. If you have ever been around someone who has a cold, you can almost feel yourself getting the stuffy nose and sore throat, even when you may never get sick. Well us infertility girls symptom spot like crazy. Every pain, twinge, ache…all of them are possible pregnancy symptoms. We will sit there 2 days past IUI and swear that the ache we are feeling in our abdomen HAS to be implantation. We all know that implantation usually occurs 6-10 days past ovulation, so the likelihood of anything really being tied to pregnancy is happening that early is slim to none. And yet there we are. Sitting there analyzing everything.
The internet has made all of this even harder. My google-aholic self sits here and pours over everything. I read websites, blogs, forums and anything else that can confirm what I am feeling and I promise you…they are all out there. If you want to find a site that will confirm you are pregnant the day after you have sex (or IUI or IVF) you can find it. That’s where losing your life comes in. You worry about everything. You obsess about becoming pregnant. Its the thing that happens when you know when everything went down. PLUS the nightly suppositories I have to do are a daily reminder that I am not trying to get pregnant like most people do.
After my first IUI I joked that I wanted to be in a two week sleep so that I wouldn’t waste two weeks of my life thinking about all of this. Well my second IUI is no different. I wish I could go back to the person I was last year that didn’t have a problem living in the moment, but I can’t go back…I was a different person then.