Ok, so I have a confession…I don’t hate every woman I see who is pregnant. It doesn’t make me angry when I hear about some 20-something un-wed girl who is living at home, and is pregnant. I don’t despise the women who just “get pregnant”. I don’t loathe them, I envy them, but they don’t make me mad.
I can’t say that I have been this way from the beginning. Since we have started on this journey, I have gone through so many stages its not even funny. The miscarriage was probably the worst feeling of loss I have had to date. Everyone who was pregnant, looked pregnant or acted pregnant was awful to me. How could THEY be pregnant, and not me? Life wasn’t fair. Look at how great a life I could provide…I had an amazing husband, a good job, a roof over my head and more love than ever imaginable. What baby wouldn’t want to take comfort in my womb and live comfortably for 9 or so months? I cried. I judged. I ranted. I vented. I did everything imaginable, but what I didn’t do was think.
Rebecca. Rebecca is the marketing person at GRS that I met at the open house. Funny enough, she was filling in for someone scheduling appointments when I made my consultation appt, and she remembered me from that call. I told Rebecca that I would look at pregnant women on the street, in my OBGYN’s office, or really anywhere and be angry at how easy it was for them. Her response was quite simple, and life changing. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “How do you know that pregnant woman wasn’t in our office 6 months ago?” If that doesn’t knock you off your pedestal, than nothing will.
It’s easy to then say…but, Mindy, what about my family member who got pregnant and isn’t with the father, and can’t support the baby, etc, etc, etc. Step back and think about how scared that girl probably is. Whether she admits it or not, she knows she is in a situation that isn’t ideal. I’m sure she sits in her room and wishes she could be in a loving relationship like you are. Have a steady job like you do. Take care of herself like you do. Often times, the same people who come across like they “just don’t care”, really are just frightened, and the easiest way to deal is to act like an idiot.
As women and men we are given the tools to conceive and carry a child, but just because we have the tools, doesn’t mean we are entitled. Like everything else in life, not everyone’s tools are the same. We can’t all build sky scrapers in a year. Some of us will have to settle for a teepee. Not everyone is going to be a millionaire. Some of us will be middle-class, and unfortunately even less. We have to look at this fertility journey as a way to use the tools we were given, and try to make the best outcome with them. That’s the beauty of science! Science is enabling us to use those same tools that built a teepee to possibly build a house! And if that science doesn’t work, then the teepee tools can build a duplex with even more sophisticated science. And guess what? If THAT science doesn’t work, we have the option of going and trying to use someone else’s tools. It goes on and on.
I guess what I am saying is, when you find yourself sitting there hating that last person who announced they were pregnant, it’s ok to feel a little heartbreak. But don’t dislike them bc they got to build the house first. Step back and look at everything you DO have going on, and be thankful that while you may not have the house, you have some pretty fantastic furniture.