So today the two week wait is over, and our hopes that this IUI worked are over as well. The test this morning was negative and I just have to wait until Monday to call GRS to see what I am supposed to do now. Like last time, I am sure they will make me continue the progesterone until my cycle begins. I had already prepared myself for this one not working since I tested early and it was negative, so today wasn’t as hard as I anticipated.
The obvious question is, now what? Well for J and me, the answer is IVF. We are ready (him more so than me), but nonetheless, we are ready to start the IVF part of our journey. The whole process scares me. If you google IVF (SHOCKER I google), there are countless photos that look like this:
This is what our life is going to look like over the next several weeks. The shots for IUI are a cake-walk compared to the # of shots we are going to have to do for IVF. And then there is the whole egg retrieval process. IVF hasn’t been the only thing weighing on my mind. When you are my age, they typically do a dual embryo transfer. This increases the chances of one taking, but also increases the chances for twins. Twins petrify me. I have never changed a diaper in my life,so the thought of having TWO lives at the same time, is super scary. Jesse on the other hand? He just says, “same, same”. It doesn’t scare him at all. When we discussed IVF with Dr. P before, there were things you can do (testing) to only need to do one embryo transfer, and have just as strong of a chance, then we would just freeze any remaining embryos for future tries.
We had always talked about having two kids. But there was a looming reality in my mind…I am going to be 37 in 4 months. When IVF works, and we have our baby, I will be 38 (or approaching it). I want to enjoy our baby. I want to experience all of the firsts without the looming idea of trying for the second sitting in the back of my head. I finally brought my concerns up with Jesse last night. I don’t know why I was scared. He has always been supportive and me telling him my fears didn’t change that. So I think we have a plan:
We are doing IVF with the goal of having a baby. I am not worried about the dual embryo transfer, and if we are lucky enough to have twins, then I will figure it out. If I am honest with myself, having ONE baby is scaring me too, and I have to remember that I am not doing this alone. I want to enjoy this whole process. I trust my doctor. I have 100% confidence in Dr. Perloe and the staff at GRS, but the thought of someone going in and harvesting eggs from from my ovaries is terrifying. Throughout this whole experience, I have prided myself at becoming as knowledgable about things as possible. I researched IUI from top to bottom. Now I am throwing myself into IVF. I am lucky to know some amazing people who have been successful with the process and I am encouraged that we are now going to be embarking on a new path.
Welcome to the party, folks! It’s going to be a rager!!!